It's been approximately 4 years since I was invincible. I used to make decisions based upon a resolutely positive mental framing. I was passively indomitable. Perhaps this was the hubris of youth that has left me. It is not unnoticed in its passing. I miss truly believing that life was beautiful, awe inspiring, and never without joy. Every day used to seem like a blessing from a benevolent God who gave me everything I could possibly want.
My current condition is lacks the structural integrity of my late teens counterpart. I havent lost anything physical (give or take some testosterone levels), my bones are as dense, my muscle (and body fat) remain intact. The only things I have lost seem metaphysical. I lost my extrovert, type-A, tendencies. I have misplaced my confidence that everything will definitely turn out all right. I'm not pessimistic, exactly. I may have become a realist. Which can be a major shock to the system, coming from a liberal-bordering-hippy, holistic, "positive-vibrations" upbringing.
As an adolescent I didn't approve of young adults. They are morose. They are melancholy. They lack gusto. They do drugs. They seem to attempt to cope, and compensate, for some unseen weight that sags on their vertebrae. I never wanted to be one of these people. I didn't understand them. The human experience seemed wonderful to me. Not something tragic that must be overcome. Maybe my lack of understanding of this demographic's plight is what doomed me to embody it.
I am morose. I am melancholy. I lack gusto. I sag in a chair. I sag while standing. I visibly perceive the world's pressures. I see the quiet desperation that Thoreau warned us about a hundred years ago.
I suppose I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. I thought I would be exempt from the problems and concerns of "lesser mortals". I suppose to be old and wise you first have to be young and stupid.

It's too cold to leave my bed

I wash and dress myself with a confused look

Stumbling around because my equilibrium is not working yet

The cat wakes me up 5 minutes before the alarm goes off

I am among the living-dead until I receive coffee, manna from heaven

I can't stop thinking of that stupid Wham song every morning

Sometimes you just have to be up early

I ran 6 miles today. I'm pretty sure i can run longer if i have a greater supply of DMX music.